I'm afraid. Most guys wouldn't admit that to anyone. I'm not most guys. I'm five days away from a major reconstruction of my right ankle, and I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the post-surgical pain will be worse than the pain I have now. Especially since they're going to be breaking my heel in two places and screwing it back together.
It's probably an irrational fear. The anticipation of being prostrate on a cold table while a guy I've only met twice takes a bone saw to my foot is creating harrowing images of a bleak future. I can't live with the pain I have now and I can't fathom a future where the extensive reconstruction of my ankle leaves me any better. The odds are in my favor but I ascribe to the Han Solo philosophy: "Never tell me the odds!" Whereas Han seems to always beat the odds, I seem to always fall victim to them. Still, I need to keep a positive outlook. I keep telling myself that it'll be fine. Maybe I'll actually start to believe it.
Today, I'm getting my office in order so that Taylor can find what he'll need while I'm out recovering. Luckily, I'll be able to work from home, but there's still a lot of things that requires a physical presence.
In happier news... My department now
has a vehicle that's all lettered and shiny and pretty! Yeah, I know
it's an old car, but it still makes me happy!